"Anyone can find places, but the finding of people is a gift from God."
E. M. Forester
Friends are the reason most children go to school in spite of what teachers and parents intend! It takes real skill to make and keep friends so lessons to identify feeling, negociate getting needs met in a group, sharing and turn taking, and resolving conflicts are an important part of Montessori "grace and courtsey" activities.
This month Montessori has been working on using I-Statements and Echo-Listening. I-statements are very effective in getting needs met by friends (and teachers!). Say, "I feel__________when _____________. I wish___________________." When someone uses an I statement, the response is an "echo-listen:" "Oh, so you don't like___________or don't want______________. O K. I will _____________." An apology follows if warranted. Echo listening creates behavior ownership and a real response to what has
actually been said rather than what I assume you are thinking (being an age-appropriate, egogentric three to five year old).
The Owls and Lunchers have also been learning about the difference between tattling and reporting. Tattling is a normal, but ineffective way to solve problems with peers. It can become a habit! Reporting is necessary telling. Distinguishing the difference takes practice and more practice. To help, we have read two books:
A Bad Case of Tattle Tongue and
Don't Squeal Unless It's a Big Deal. Both encourage children to assess situations to decide whether the problem is "kid-sized" and can be handled initially by the child himself or whether it is a "big deal," or even an emergency, and needs adult support. Knowing when to get help is important!
"Truely great friends are hard to find, hard to leave, and impossible to forget."
